I think you'll find that some of the funniest and outgoing people are sometimes the most depressed.
If you haven't ever felt the feeling of being depressed then you'll struggle to relate to someone who feels it, you may even find yourself saying 'what have they got to be depressed about?'' That sentence is thrown out there all too often and it makes me die a little inside when I hear someone say it.
The person may have a home to sleep in, a family that loves them and a job that pays for what they need. But sometimes depression can hit you in a weird way at any given time even when you know you have things to be grateful for.
In my opinion, people become depressed because they are intelligent. They have so much to give, they have huge potential and they know that there is more out there. But when you know there is more out there and you don't have it, you feel sad because you're not living your life how you want to. That can make you feel insignificant, and when you feel insignificant whats the point?
I think that's what it is anyway.
You might know someone that is completely content in every part of their life, and sometimes I envy those people. They don't want much more than what they have and they are happy with that. But others, and this may include you, want so much more from life yet you're head is full of doubt, which stops you from doing everything you are capable of.
Doubt is a very sadistic feeling, and if we let it live in our minds for too long it starts to make itself comfortable, like a clingy new girlfriend who starts leaving stuff at your house without you knowing.
You let that doubt take over everything, and it keeps you from living that best life that you know is out there.
No one would ever believe that I have felt depressed before, and let me tell you I've seen 4 therapists that have told me I score high on the scale of depression/anxiety. Even when they told me I had marked high didn't really believe them. I thought you had to be in your bed all day, not eating, no motivation and maybe even suicidal. I won't divulge too deeply about how I felt and the thoughts I was having but everyone is different and sure people have it worse than you do, but that doesn't make you feel any less depressed.
You can still laugh but feel extremely low, it doesn't just go away when you are having a good day.
I'd wanted to start my own Youtube channel for a couple of years before I actually started it. The fear of people cringing or making fun of me for doing videos stopped me from doing something I knew would make me happy. I believed that people wouldn't care what I had to say because I wasn't pretty enough; this has been something I've always felt and it made me feel totally inferior to everyone. It made me think I'd never be happy with my life and that I had no control over it. I don't have any talents, I'm not overly intelligent and in general I'm average at best in everything - In my head I had no way of becoming successful. I doubted myself for so long that it made me feel worthless, my self esteem couldn't have been lower. But one day I just said fuck it. I filmed my first video, uploaded it on a Saturday night where I thought everyone was busy, and turned my phone off.
After about an hour I calmed down and went onto Facebook where I had shared it. I had loads of amazing comments with people telling me I was brave and that they loved the video. Some people even said they would love to do it but were too scared.
I had doubted myself for so long that I lost two years of being myself and being happy. I literally let the fear of other peoples opinions keep me from what I wanted to do. Now I upload videos and get excited about people watching them, and if they don't like them that's fine, because I do the videos for myself and it makes me excited to share a side of me that I am happy with. I also get a weird kick when I see someone has put a thumbs down on my video. H8ers gonna h8.