I never really thought about what 'unconditional love' meant until Krystina, a very intelligent and spiritual person, explained it to me. I just thought it meant you loved someone a lot.
But as we were driving back from Manchester, after a massive heathen night out.. Krystina and I got talking about a number of things. The first one was how weird it was that people had sex, the whole concept of it if you really think about it is all abit bizarre to me... obviously it is to reproduce but evolution means that we have conditioned ourselves to enjoy it whilst it is happening. Now we can control reproduction, sex happens a lot of the time purely for pleasure.
Then we got talking about how we came to be on this earth, how it all started and how everything comes to an end apart from the universe. The universe is constantly expanding and we are expanding with it. Everything is energy. It doesn't matter if its the sea, a rock or a human. We are all energy, we are all one thing if you looked closely enough.
Another thing we got talking about was past lives. Have we been on this earth before and if so what happened? In each life are we put here to learn something new? Something we didn't learn in a previous life? Both Krystina and I have been to see psychics in the past and have been told we are 'old souls'. This means we have lived many lives and I think that's why we connect on the same level. Krystina has a horrendous fear of heights and this could mean she died from falling in a previous life. I have a birthmark on my leg and according to some theories it suggests that it is a wound from a past life. Although I refuse to believe I died from an arrow to the ankle, I'm harder than that.
We also got talking about soul mates and how you never hear of someone having more than one soul mate.
To me a soul mate is someone you were destined to find in this life who you connect with on a completely spiritual and mental level. You feel whole when you are with them and they love you without any conditions. There is not one element you would change about that person, the love you have for them is definite.
When you give birth to a baby you love it unconditionally. It doesn't matter what that child does or turns out to be, you will never not be able to not love it. When you are in a relationship with someone, you love them but with conditions. 'I love you if you do this. I love you when you do that. I don't love you if act and think in a way that doesn't fit my own paradigms and expectations'.
It is a conditional love, and that means you are not allowing the person to have freedom in who they are. If you love someone unconditionally, it doesn't matter what they do, what they say, what they wear or where they are from, there is nothing that could stop you from loving them. There are no limitations in the love, it is complete and you love that person as they are in their essence.
I love my family unconditionally. It doesn't matter whether my sister wears my top and gets make up all over it (it proper pisses me off Gaynor you need to stop) or she goes to prison for running her ex over with her car. Does it mean I will stop loving her? Absolutely not. I would not change a single thing about her, she has complete freedom to be or do what she likes and I'll love her regardless.
Thinking about this meant I have never actually had someone unconditionally love me in a relationship. I do believe that person loved me, but there were conditions to that love. They love me if I say certain things which make them feel good, they love me if I make time for them, if I buy them things. They didn't love me if I wanted a night out with my friends, if I spoke to them badly in an argument or liked another girls picture on Instagram. But in order to feel unconditional love for someone you must love and still be free, and the other person must also be free.
I think I haven't managed to make previous relationships work because I don't feel free when I am with them. They love me when I do certain things but when I do something they do not like they tell me I need to stop it, they try and change me, and that is not what love is about. It is about accepting that person as a whole, good or bad and loving them without any conditions or restrictions. I am not overly affectionate - that is just how I am, but I have been made to feel that someone won't love me because I am like this. But my question is, why can't someone just accept that I am like that? Why do people try and change who I am to make them feel better about themselves?
The love I want to give to someone is a love where the other person feels a true freedom when they are with me, with the knowledge that whatever they do my love is unconditional for them just as they are.
I want someone to love me when I am being a little shit, when I have moody moments or when I try and video them whilst they are on the toilet. I don't want to feel like they will stop loving me if I do certain things.
I know that when a person makes me feel a complete joy and freedom in a relationship, that is when I will feel an unconditional love from them.